# 20240218

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Hello from Wellington, NZ!

Seven years ago today, we visited Weta Workshop. (We visited again yesterday.)

During that visit, we were staying in the hills, having rented a room in Catherine's home. (We're seeing her later today.)

During that stay, I wrote this line:

[*I will not die with my music still in me. I will die with my music in you.*](/2017/pissed.md)

Large, large swaths of my timeline have healed, and have been made ready. :) I am delighted.
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to ally oneself with one's past and future selves

allyship:

* to trust that they're taking care of themselves, and then in the next breath are looking out for you
* reciprocity: to take care of oneself, and then in the next breath to look out for them

this means that...

* I have space and permission in my present to look out for my own health -- because I know that my past and my present are looking out for me, "covering" for me to whatever extent is necessary
* I have confidence to create and build and make choices in my present, because I know that my future self is poised and fully ready to receive my current choices as a gift
* I have peace in my present, because I know that my past self was free to care for itself generously while also caring for my current self with proactive love

I can see my own past as perfect, and I can see my own future holding the rudder with a steady hand

I do not feel bound to any particular course; I feel free to explore and engage as I will, knowing that I have the best kind of partners ahead of me and behind. and, by inductive implication, infinitely ahead of me and infinitely behind. we are a strong, sinuous sinusoid, arcing through time. it's a thing of beauty -- and I am both delighted and relieved, to be an integral part of the pathfinding and simultaneously to be freed from the isolating responsibility to get the now "right".

*it's not the note you play that's the wrong note -- it's the note you play afterwards that makes it right or wrong*\
Miles Davis

from any point in time, all of these things are true:

* the "me" just prior was adding things to my palette, things that are interesting and useful and beautiful
* I may make any choice I wish, as I pick up and blend those elements
* the "me" just ahead will say, "ah, I know what you were going for", and will do an even better job than my now-self of seeing that vision forward -- or, of transforming that vision into something even better

because I can see these three things as true from any point in time, my whole timeline ... hm. it's not that it stabilizes, particularly. it almost feels like it *thickens*. does that make sense? it's not just a *line* through time -- it has weight, and shape. it feels like more dimensionality, a sort of space *in* time, even as time describes space.

:) I like this

very very much

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This came up in [20241110](/2024/11/10.md).
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