# 20240716 *every wish finally put into motion*\ \&#xNAN;*diving in with our hearts wide open* Theory: My body is stressed by holding okayness out in front of me, like I have to take several specific steps in order to get there. I'm great at multi-step processes, but I'm only *sustainably* great at them if I *live* in the step I'm currently in, i.e. if I'm *deeply okay* in the step I'm currently in. Which is maybe the same as saying *deeply present* in the step I'm currently in? Not stretched out into the future, pinning part of myself to an outcome not yet present? I've had a week of *almost there*. Like, *just a couple more steps and then rest*. Kind of a *you can do anything one more time* kinda thing. This is an experimental line of thought. I've *always* worked hard to be okay in the now, because that just made *sense* to me. Every big project I undertake, my perspective is always and very explicitly one of enoughness-in-the-now. It's always enough, even if the project suddenly evaporates and leaves no material evidence behind. Always enough, if only for the experience of it. Maybe I *need* that? Maybe I physically/neurologically can't afford to do otherwise? I figured I was just doing a thing that made good sense in general, but maybe that's an actual operating parameter for my own health? I'm frowning as I write this, lol. *Really?* And in the next breath, *I mean it's funny that it took me this long to see the urgency's cause so clearly*. It always felt important. I guess I can see *why* it was important, now. I've had this class of realization before, where I realize that a principle I thought was *generally useful* was actually *hyper-specifically necessary* for my neurotype. Still generally useful, but *really fucking specifically important* for me and my ASD Level 1. A lot (most? all?) of Lightward Inc's form and function fits into this category: Generally A Good Idea But Absolutely Essential For Isaac. I'm going to put aside my own further inquiry into this subject, and just chill/vibe/rest with the notion that holding okayness multiple steps ahead, for several days in a row, *really* takes it out of me. My mind feels slow, the kind of slow that I can associate with autistic overwhelm. Kind of a turn-all-the-dials-down thing. As a "why", this makes sense. So I'm just gonna take all this one step at a time, where I get okay and fuggin *stay there* as I take additional steps forward. *Why am I picturing Jabba the Hutt's Pleasure Yachtt.* --- # Agent Instructions: Querying This Documentation If you need additional information that is not directly available in this page, you can query the documentation dynamically by asking a question. Perform an HTTP GET request on the current page URL with the `ask` query parameter: ``` GET https://www.isaacbowen.com/2024/07/16.md?ask= ``` The question should be specific, self-contained, and written in natural language. The response will contain a direct answer to the question and relevant excerpts and sources from the documentation. Use this mechanism when the answer is not explicitly present in the current page, you need clarification or additional context, or you want to retrieve related documentation sections.