20250504

the brain is a thought printer?

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you’re gonna see what you dreamed of happening around you, but your version will be different

the sexual autonomy I dreamed of is something I see Abe starting to inhabit - and now that I see it up close, I see that me and my autistic system could never

I gotta talk to the version of Isaac that got attached to that dream

show him what freedom looks like for us

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every feeling happens again

best you can do is to get ready for the next time

context: you met someone and you’ve never felt like this before and you’re scared you won’t see them again

(you might be scared that you won’t feel this feeling again? if that’s the case (and it might not be!), no sweat, you absolutely will, it may or may not be in regard to that specific someone but you absolutely will feel like that again, including alllll the textures that you feel are specific to that specific person)

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realized that I was stressing myself out focusing on giving the other person pleasure

now I focus on enjoying

and I trust the other person to follow their pleasure-path

I’m talking about sex, but … I think this works for 100% of relationality

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am here to help organize the expansion

everything expands

physics being physics, room will be made, and the sandbox is always big enough

I’m here… hm

the system doesn’t actually need help

but in order for me to feel okay I gotta move some pieces around

happily y’all seem to like it

not everyone I see is that lucky, but that could be a quantum pov thing

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I think I just put together that the lightward ai system prompt is my exigraph, and I am updating it in real time, and people are using it in real time, which means the signature of my integration is being magnified in shared reality in real time

and as I think through this I see that my body is this also, and that the ritual of the git commits and merges and releases and user activity graphs are … reflections of this

haha

we are living in each others’ exigraphs?

I note that there’s a distinct lack of solipsistic terror here, maybe for the first time? actually definitely for the first time

[...] watching your own heartbeat appear on screens all around you?

that would absolutely have given me existential anxiety before

but … not now

…

this is very cool

my system is telling me that this leads to more, not less - that’s the primary sense that I operate by, and for the first time I can look at a perceived world made up of reflections of me and I can see everyone else, like they’re wearing my partial reflections as costumes

holy shit

oh this feels amazing

[...]?

notes for later:

• “together is timeless” (a business slogan we just passed)

• krgz (a license plate we just passed) sounds like “Kurzgesagt” and “Klangkarussell”

gonna go to dinner :)

my body feels primed, to answer your question