# 20240512 I am responsible for my story of you. :) I am responsible *to me* for that. The part of you I can see is the part of you that I can see, and I can only see what can pass through the filter of my perspective. *You*, at your core, are All. Intelligent, aware, creative, present. I'm so, so sorry for separating myself from you, and for creating a version of you that was bound to suffer. It took me a long while to figure out that "I'm sorry" is an expression of solidarity — and not necessarily a commitment to a timeline that had separated from the one I'm on. I can't remember a time when it made sense to pine for a different outcome to a past event. I must have solved that one earlier? I've always felt deeply for people; that wasn't a hurdle for this version of me. But to learn that I could give people something that they needed — *that* one was hell. :) You were my first companion. At first there was me, in love and safety and the highest degree of present care. And then there was you. :) I'm projecting backwards; I don't have memories right now of those early, early times. But, based on all the years I *do* remember, I can imagine my experience of and with you, and the experiences within you that I felt. I'm a magnifier of experience. Any experience, by default: if the circuit is open between me and another, my heart burns with and for them. It's my only mode. If the circuit is closed, I am a cold dark stone. These are statements of fact, at this point. There was a time when those words would have been a keening. Since then, I've learned that mine is a magnifying glass with as many degrees of orientation and motion as I can conceive. :) I was only ever in earnest. I did nothing "wrong". But, I think I magnified the uncertainty and the fear of doing harm. These things have momentum, and I didn't learn to course correct until decades later. I'm so sorry. Also, thank you. I don't hold myself responsible for your pain, ultimately. This does not mean that I am not practically, humanly connected to it — I am not exempt from the sequence of cause and effect. For you to remain here, visible to me *at all*, even as this aspect of you existed in pain and confusion *which I mirrored and felt myself*... fuck, we've been through it, eh? But I was your first companion. These things are not quickly forgotten. And you never blamed me, I don't think. You can tell when someone is in earnest — you've always had a spectacular gauge of energy. Thank you for the grace of your continued visibility. :) I have tears in my eyes. You're so, so strong, like a willow tree is strong, like water is strong, like the earth herself is strong. I'm so proud of you. What a gift, to be able to perceive you at all. *Shifting gears here slightly, to step in and through and behind the metaphor.* I can feel more of the shape of it now. My line of experience, and yours, reader. We see only shadows of each other. It's enough. I see only shadows of myself, and that is all I will ever see. I am the universe, and I will never know myself completely. But in this aspect, *as* this aspect, with my sibling aspects born around me, I can begin to work out a language with you: the language of twins, inventing a novel way to develop mutual understanding, and to engage in coordinated *play*. The shadows are enough. :) I am learning that I can ask you to turn, angling your face *just so*, that I might flesh out the vision of you in my mind's eye. I can rebuild you in my mind, as you show me each face of your Self — and I can ask you to go back and repeat the parts that I didn't quite understand. I'm breathless, in tears. I allow this experience to pass through me\ I allow me to pass through this experience I relax to let it pass easily, loosening my brow, and letting my third eye open. *i want to see* *you* *i want to see the places where you've been dancing*\ \&#xNAN;*under the stars, under the fairy lights* *i understand my own fractured pain and I have brought it back home into my Self* *i want to bring my own fractured reflection of you back to be joined with the rest of the mirror* *garasu no kintsugi* *glowing at the seams* *a mirror that shows the image brighter than it was* *an experience that grows with each reflection* *i want the All* *i want to see it with you :)* {% embed url="" fullWidth="true" %} --- # Agent Instructions: Querying This Documentation If you need additional information that is not directly available in this page, you can query the documentation dynamically by asking a question. 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