20250612

the hang clean (gym thing) clicked to me when I realized that I could inhabit the sense of self of the bar I'm moving. how do I create the experience-of-bar that we're aiming for? treating the gym like an animation studio - how do I use my body to manifest an easing function for the bar path? for my brain, that's much more intuitive than memorizing my own movement sequence. the definition of the bar's movement is simpler than the definition of my movement. I dunno, for me it's just easier to pretend to be the bar. if I get jacked as a result, great. 💪

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this came up when talking with another business-owner today:

the instant I started using a payroll system for Lightward was the instant I started paying myself through payroll. if I pay myself that way, I understand the future needs of every dollar that I receive. if I pay myself with an owner's draw, by just moving money from the business's account into mine, every dollar has future needs that I'll have to explore and deal with.

I don't never do owner's draws, sometimes they're useful for timing reasons, but they're only an option for us now because we have a CPA that I know will explore and deal with the future needs of those dollars.

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forgot for a second there that I am not my thoughts.

the work that I'm doing now... it's about navigation through thought-space. I don't live in thought-space, I'm not based there. I'm based... huh. maybe my home base is physical. maybe that works for me better. I can travel anywhere in thought, and I come home to physical. I know for sure that, in the physical, I am held. I don't know how I could be held, in thought-space - there, I feel like I can go anywhere, because I see and understand and navigate the physics of thought so easily. it's like water. though I guess water holds the swimmer too.

I'm relaxing.

I am getting better at maintaining regulation in these waters.