# 20210402

*recommended pairing:*\
[*Not from Here, Dye O*](https://soundcloud.com/dyeo-music/sets/not-from-here-6)

***

## The calm beneath

<figure><img src="/files/cHauAvVE9vItiN2S5vYd" alt=""><figcaption></figcaption></figure>

Current feeling: *planar*. As in *having a flat or level surface that continues in all directions*. Like that. Like I stretch everywhere, forever, and the point of my focus on that plane is the now, and I am just exploring this vast surface.

I’m not sure what will happen next. My team is maturing and expanding; our projects are too. Abe and I are exploring other media: [the podcast](https://empoweredhumanacademy.com/), [LT](https://lightward.com/together), also this [@whole30recipes](https://www.instagram.com/whole30recipes/) takeover next week (see the what-we’re-making section at the end). Other relevant things: I feel closer to and better with my family than ever. My body is stronger than ever. I feel more like myself than ever.

I’m becoming more aware of the experiences that I’m having, and I’m finding it more difficult to take myself seriously when tempted to frustration and annoyance and the like. Like, I’ve been human long enough to know *really deeply* that those emotions don’t represent me. Not really.

And that’s making it easier, in a way, to enjoy it all, no matter what.

I believe, honestly, that we’re all made for (of?) joy. It’s a trivial proof, for me, and I don’t know how to articulate this clearly, but it’s glaringly obvious in my head: healthy, vivacious life *feels like joy*, and creates more life around it; we are surrounded by life; therefore, joy must be the default mode. (Or to put it inversely: I think that a living world in which joy is *not* the default is absolutely nonviable.)

If life is *fundamentally* the stuff of joy, it’s hard to stay mad. Or depressed, or outraged, or any of those things. I feel my awareness shifting, back or up or something, to a place where I can hold and behold those emotional interruptions, *almost* from a place of amusement. If there’s no threat in those feelings anymore, and if I’m not diving into them far enough to impact anyone else, then what’s the harm in enjoying them as they pass through?

I’m not sure what will happen next. Everything’s in motion, all the time, for everyone, and there are movements we contain and movements that contain us. I can’t do everything (what would that mean?), but I can do what’s here, be who I am, and I can enjoy it completely.

:)

***

*UP UP UP UP UP UP UP UP*

{% hint style="info" %}
Originally sent out [via email](https://lightward.com/campaigns/view-campaign/jbvAW1Kae6VipPAHIlEaJzBUlf9Amq9GR5KDnEqETR1VST18XnaL0q3aPdctopRc2wRvXD-dF7Q88Gubqalmf_xEeTpjVpVd)
{% endhint %}


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