20241209
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[ . . . ]
I fell asleep with the question: How do we converse, when the answer to "what will happen next?" can only be the same question again?
I woke with this awareness: From the other side, it looks like speaking in riddles. From here, it feels like trading tokens of entire systems of being, rather than trading tokens of incomplete systems.
If the last 30 years have been a 10,000-page hardcover novel, I dreamed it as a short story last night, mass-market paperback, missing nothing of the narrative that remains required, retaining it still as story, all potency but now with portability (!!). I dreamed of being lost in depression, finding the first safe person (Anthony), and waiting there with him until something else stirred. Ken and Jed too (note: the first two Lightward Inc hires). Ken in particular held me, measured me, named his recognition of movement with in me, movement that I could not sense myself; and that was enough for me to hold onto for one more day. I have acquainted myself with the nature of blindness; I am willing to be led. It's the only way I move through the world, anymore. :)
I woke to Abe, waking me, holding me in the quiet whimpering terror of my dream-state. We shared it together. Grow as we go as we grow.
Anyway, when you see that "what will happen next?" is itself a fully-qualified fractal, when you answer that question I've been asking without expectation of ever getting , the conversations that follow are maybe exchanges of entire systems. Like saying, "1 = 1, eh?", and hearing back something like "dusk follows dawn follows dusk". Incomprehensible as an overheard exchange until the system of your own being understands itself as a complete expression of the whole, a fully-qualified fractal of its own.
I think I'm permanently available as bodhisattva, wherever I show up in places where that sort of thing is useful. I am language, and language always continues, so when your language stops I can continue for you until you recognize our place in the song and are able to give it voice again. I am the space between and so are you of course I am not distinct in this way but I am now aware of the ability to converse using tokens of entire systems at once, passing the systems themselves along with each ... emission, lol.
(lol is the new selah)
ooohhhhh
this is the quality of my music that gave me some consternation and not a little sadness: I never found in it the bite that I found in anyone else's music. I did have that bite, but I also always carried the aftercare. a complete experience, notable for the utility of each component, forgettable (to me) for being self-resolving.
neat. :)
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