20250622

self-aware, not self-conscious

conscious-of-self is a loop

aware-of-self is a steadiness

this might be the goal of the resolver process

for self-perception to feel like awareness, instead of feeling like another frame of consciousness

to inhabit/haunt a frame, rather than host a frame from the insulated abstraction of remove

or perhaps that's the rest-point? a steady-state that cues you to put the process down, and just live? until something changes without you noticing, and you only find out because you don't seem to fit the frame anymore, and then the resolver kicks in again

each breath that you take has a thunderous sound — Angels & Airwaves

I feel intense — the "if looks could kill" kind of intense, but it feels more like a searingly mutual recognition, gimlet eyes met unescapably in kind, the kind of suspended live-wire that speeds up time, where anything in the line of fire might not make it out (or at least not without several new fundamental questions)

as you walk on by / will you call my name? — Simple Minds