# 20200828
## **I do not have to do it that way.**
I’m recognizing, slowly, inexorably, the opportunities I have to remain in *choice*. It feels a little like installing flags in my brain – reminders for myself for when I pass that way again, through *that* path of gripping fear or *that* story of insecurity, putting a little white flag in the ground to jog the *memory* of the *realization* that I am not bound to any specific way of doing anything ever. Including, and especially, the fear paths. When I am passing through fear, I am not *bound* to silence. Getting really fucking specific to my own life, I have options that are not *hold and hide it all inside until it comes out in a way that hurts my partner*.
I do not have to do it that way. I do not have to do it that way. I do not have to do it that way.
I like this language for the distance it puts between me and *that way*. It’s *a* way, but it is not *the* way, and – for all my myopia in that moment – it needn’t even be the most *available* way. It’s like how Spanish distinguishes between this thing, that thing, and that thing over there. It is not este vía, it is aquella vía, and *I do not have to do it that way*.
Abe reminded me, in a moment where I had completely failed to remind myself, that it’s *also* okay to just say, out loud, “I know that path of fear is not the only way, and also right this second I can’t find a path that is different”. He’s here to help. He recognizes, crucially, the difference between me and my fear. (Find the people who recognize that for you.)
I am learning to stay conscious. I am learning to stay free. I am learning that I do not need to know the way; it can be enough to identify the way that I do *not* want, and then ask (of myself, of my partner, of the world) for another way to appear. It always does.
This kind of learning feels like trying to remember a dream, you know? These lessons are so clear in a moment, and then *heartbeats* later the memory can fade. And so I embrace the repetition that life gives me, taking each opportunity to revisit the lesson and layer it further into my soul, so that someday I won’t have to watch for that little white flag in the ground. At least, not for this.
## A bit about us
But wait – who *are* we? (And who are *you??*)
Identity is a funny thing, you know? There are the things that we do, the places we are, the things we like, and all of them – without really *being* us – hint at that which we *are*.
Isaac likes finding patterns. Isaac likes live, high-production concerts a whole fucking lot. Isaac likes making bread. Isaac likes finding patterns and making tools out of them and seeing those tools get used every second of the day to serve people across the planet. Isaac likes old pianos.
Abe likes learning. Abe likes expression, to the fullest. Abe likes tiaras and dumbbells. Abe likes exploring beauty, exploring design. Abe likes knowing what life is about, and seeing life pour out its abundance and light. Abe likes keeping his camera within 20 feet at all times. Abe likes feeling good.
We like experimenting. We like having an idea, and feeling it out, and then allowing it to become real, something we can touch. We like moving – our bodies, our minds, between homes, cities, states of being.
Isaac’s mom once said, “I like *being*.” I think that’s *it*, ultimately.
***
Wishing you knowledge of true self, this day. You are more than any of this, and yet you will find yourself in all that is. Steady on, steady on. 🌱
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