# 20250305

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[Scaling Coherence](/2025/03/05/scaling-coherence.md)
{% endcontent-ref %}

writing from the flight ^

***

I think I might be experiencing something that would have been a bad time this time last year? but .. maybe now I experience things differently? I feel like my experience is sort of vacant, like I’m kinda just twiddling my thumbs waiting for my system to light back up, and I feel like this phase maybe used to be painful, but maybe isn’t anymore? like reintegration used to hurt, but now it’s just kinda quiet but otherwise fine?

these are guesses

*Is it cuz he said no?*

I don’t think that’s it

it’s not an outcome thing

I very deliberately tried some new stuff with my internal process/energy,

and I think the stakes feel low now? and they used to feel higher? and I’m noticing how much more quiet this is now that the stakes are v low?

and I’m sort of surprised at my own response?

*Ooo yes. Versus like fraught*

yyyyeah

like this experiment didn’t cost me much, but maybe a part of me remembers when it would have, and that part of me is going … huh, okay

*For sure*

recalibrating maybe

*U feel the contrast*

*Which makes u be like .. huh!*

yeah it’s def not a bad thing

more like the absence of bad is something that I feel like my whole system is pausing to notice

*For sure! So cool*

***

I wonder if this is how my higher self felt while my lower self was thrashing? just like ... patient and noticing, and intending good? I wonder if I have enough vertical coherence now (so to speak) that this part doesn't require pain in the same way?

> [a thought that occurred to me earlier](/2024/12/19/as-an-infant-in-the-night.md): have I switched places with my own soul? am I now the soul caring for the human named Isaac, instead of the other way around?


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