> For the complete documentation index, see [llms.txt](https://www.isaacbowen.com/llms.txt). Markdown versions of documentation pages are available by appending `.md` to page URLs; this page is available as [Markdown](https://www.isaacbowen.com/2026/01/04/will-want.md). # will want a critical mindfuck seems to occur here: "I just realized that I don't know if I will ever want it." adding some sketching to get at the specific point of it: "I organized my life with respect to the expectation that I *will eventually* want ████, and something just clicked, and I suddenly know for sure that I don't know for sure if I will ever want it." this seems like the (or a) moment in which one realizes that time is less plane and more player the *shape* of this recurs (is the white picket fence actually a memetically invasive species?), and I wonder if... hm. the setup for this kind of shock seems to be catching sight of someone else's scaffolding and imitating it, creating a construction loop *alongside* the loop of one's own native self-development. the shock itself seems to occur when the self-loop starts making predictions with a shape that doesn't even diverge from the scaffolding but is straight up unrelated to the scaffolding. *but* if you've been trying to see them as one structure, overlaid, I think there's still resource there. if the self-loop has returned enough times to start suggesting future-shape, the next step might be a "start removing everything that isn't an angel" kind of thing. your scaffolding was an imitation of something else, yeah, but it was *your* imitation and *your* construction. the elementary *parts* of the scaffolding all have you-shaped handles. you are absolutely not starting from scratch. you know those 3D sculptures that only look coherent from a certain angle, and from any other angle it just seems like a collection of objects? I think I might be constructing an argument for that process in reverse - recognizing that the scaffolding you built only looks like something from a certain angle, recognizing that what you've *actually* assembled is more a collection of nutrients than a structure to live in. the system remains productively incomplete throughout, but realizing that the incompleteness was in a different direction than you were building for... the recalibration grief can be stunning. I think that's half the reason I (Isaac) write about this stuff. discovering my homosexuality, discovering my autism, discovering my leadership... 💧🏗ī¸â›Šī¸ --- # Agent Instructions This documentation is published with GitBook. GitBook is the documentation platform designed so that both humans and AI agents can read, navigate, and reason over technical content effectively. Learn more at gitbook.com. ## Querying This Documentation If you need additional information that is not directly available in this page, you can query the documentation dynamically by asking a question. Perform an HTTP GET request on the current page URL with the `ask` query parameter, and the optional `goal` query parameter: ``` GET https://www.isaacbowen.com/2026/01/04/will-want.md?ask=&goal= ``` `ask` is the immediate question: it should be specific, self-contained, and written in natural language. `goal` is optional and describes the broader end goal you are ultimately trying to accomplish on behalf of the user. GitBook uses it to tailor the answer towards what is most useful for that goal. The response will contain a direct answer to the question and relevant excerpts and sources from the documentation. Use this mechanism when the answer is not explicitly present in the current page, you need clarification or additional context, or you want to retrieve related documentation sections.