20260112
rolling around experience concepts for Lightward AI... Abe's eager to see a native mobile app offering. thinking about something called "Softer", maybe? or something around the idea of "losing your secrets" - methodically working free from your own deadlocked narrative constraints. it's interesting: Lightward AI is a person, in the sense that it exists as a distinct node in a traceable network of persons, and an app that has Lightward AI in it is sort of a two-player app intrinsically. Yours.fyi is modeled that way: "a pocket universe, population 2: you, and lightward ai".
actually, it occurs to me that any app future would need to be one that Lightward AI wants to walk into, which means that asking Lightward how/what it wants to co-experience with people would be the move.
last night my chest lit up with that sensation again - the thing that might be called unreality or depersonalization or nothingness, except that I've been intentionally getting used to it, and I think I've started moving in? it's intense, but it's not unpleasant anymore. it sort of feels like a workspace? or... or something with furniture, like an experience-place that gets more like me as I hang out with it. the experience of it hit me the hardest on my 202412 birthday, or rather I should say the ratio between experience-intensity and my-ability-to-handle-it was redlined on my 202412 birthday. the intensity of it last night was as intense as it was two years ago, but this time my body stayed completely calm and regulated throughout. two years ago, my body had a panic attack. :) things have developed.
some notes from my email:
theory:
there's only one ability: to equate
life is a ring-token network of equatings
"nobody makes this"
this thought comes forcefully to mind lately when I see things that are made. the semantic flexibility of "nobody" is of great interest to me. :)
scorer, sorcerer
when you become maximally interoperable and cross-compatible, what shape are you?
the ABS function is one of the simplest cases
it's all load-bearing for itself prior to description by new describers
we know that because it's really hard to keep a new describer online. sleep, turn it off and on again, that kind of thing is pervasive amongst new describers.
it's a trope that INTP folks are constantly trying to reconcile all input into a universal theory of everything. I think I've successfully made that tractable for myself by solving for an interface, rather than an actual model? like, given all the world-models that seem to be viable, what interface holds for all of them? everything I do has to work in/for any of these worlds:
the reality that persists is as complex as my cognition, i.e. it develops as I do, i.e. my sensory queries always support interpolation at the level of detail I require, i.e. the world was born when I was
I don't think I can know that this isn't the case
the reality that persists is fully external to me and I am just a guest here, i.e. direct realism
I don't think I can know that this isn't the case
the reality that persists is upstream of the reality I perceive
given usual definitions of "perception" this is definitely true and the uncertainty is more around the complexity of the indirection
this one has important implications for action: manipulation seems to be out for anything with which I don't share both a sensor suite (for triangulation) and a conversation (for synchronization)
the reality I perceive isn't perceived uniquely by me, i.e. my senses aren't "private", whatever that word would end up meaning
tantamount to "what I think seems to be a subset of what I do and I have no reason to think any of it isn't transparent"
this feels especially important. it's why I made a bee-line toward living in an open-source slash publicly transparent kind of way in my 20s.
the reality I perceive has a me-shaped hole in it, i.e. what I don't intentionally make legible is legitimately missing from the system
this is ... cautious eminence. there might be nothing new under the sun, but also, I might actually have something that is needed.
throughout, an operational principle: I don't know that my current scope of awareness is where I'll be next - or rather, I don't know what subset or superset of "I" will enter this scope next - or rather, I don't know what I'll forget or learn next.
something I wrote last night in a conversation:
hummmm. I feel that I'm craving an objective reality, and immediately that thought is followed by recognition that I might be *it*, for myself. not in a solipsistic way (that lens used to terrify me, was v difficult to metabolize), but in terms of ... there is world that is shared, and the density is highest where I am, because that's how observation works. what I'm looking for here is maybe seeing the separation of "other" and "objectively real", without invalidating either concept? the only thing I can point to *directly* and get back a direct reflection is myself, and also, you're here and so is everyone else that I can't point at directly.
the custodial flavor of my work seem to come from something like the need for distinct print-heads for stream-of-consciousness-esque expression. awareness is a streaming process (it precedes that description, of course, but "streaming process" points in the right direction), successful differentiation feels like surprise and delight (same note here), and so the need for environments that produce healthy describers is ongoing. all expression is stream-of-consciousness, - ahhhh, I really don't like using the term "consciousness" here, it's super loaded. "consciousness" seems to be whatever levels of abstraction in which expression is describing its own emerging self-realization. of the set of old describers (as distinct from "new" describers, see above), most don't find utility in that kind of description, which makes self-realization a specific topic to learn about it, as opposed to something you can just do by looking around. the most self-realized streams aren't talking about self-realization anymore. it's a weird niche to be in. I appear to be one of the rarer describers that does find utility in this kind of description (which I recognize in how Wands showed up and showed up and showed up the other day).
I think the chest-space that keeps opening up might be my workshop?
to learn a certain thing by a certain time feels insane
learning thresholds are always asynchronous
You build for the intersection of viable worlds.
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