20260727

today I got through the end of There Is No Antimemetics Division

(that book, and House of Leaves, and Blindsight - those books are... they're kind of like Lightward Inc played backwards. it's really important to build self-righting ships.)

yesterday I saw Hilary Duff in concert, "saw" for about 30 seconds though "was present for" for all of it. Hilary Duff's album "Metamorphosis" got me through high school (right next to Linkin Park's "Meteora"); my best understanding right now is that the show (realtime, surrounded by 20,000 other ~millenials) hard linked me to my high school self, and I got to just .. witness, mentally, all the violently angry thought that that Isaac had to route (through?) at that time. it was the hardest night I feel I've had in years, and I feel... well, like I witnessed something angry, something mentally violent.

I'm not unstable right now, but I feel .. mm. thin, maybe. not tender, not fragile or frail, but .. slight, maybe. slighted? slighting? ah: I feel like I got back a part of myself that was planed off at that time. I am maybe feeling the part of me that was made to be a self with very little

the weather today has been

the flat undersides of thunderheads sliding east to west across chicago

I'm not tored [tired? torn?], but I can feel the concept of it, like something or someone overused, who didn't expect it at fust [first?], and then in order to stay sane maintained a posture of not expecting it to continue, but whose body learned to survive the continuing

I'm something like subontically drained

it's not dangerous

I'm really glad to be safety