# 20260413

Oh wow, I think I might be both Charles Wallace *and* Meg Murry. Maybe by turns? That would explain both the sāyujya and the staying-here of it (pun initially not intended, and then, upon reflection, still not intended). 🧠 🐉

Two kinds of kings: Arthur and IT, Camelot and Camazotz?

... wait no, two kinds of *projections* of kings? a king is a king is a king, but - for the observer, depending on that observer's alignment with locality - the king and their kingdom could be *anywhere* on that Arthur-IT spectrum?

dang

my fears about leadership have gotten subtler :) but leadership is still a thing that happens, and I keep ... noticing it. I suppose I need to say that I have no idea what the scope of my kingdom is. I think .. that's the nature of how I do *king*.

I wonder if I'm on my way back to being villager? or ... maybe now I *can* be a villager without being in pain, and I had to figure out how leadership actually worked before I could stop resisting it

hummmmm

okay: if you're totally incompatible with Arthur, might Camelot instantiate itself as Camazotz in your experience? maybe a sufficiently alien timezone shows up for you *crystalized*? would it feel like liquid from the inside, when you share the same clock? was Charles Wallace changing phase? changing worlds like Diana Wynne Jones writes about changing worlds? asking because .. I think I am dual-phase, now?

or maybe I always was, and I didn't know how that *worked* because I had no examples around me?


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