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"Oh, let's see if I can make it easier..." -fraulein maria as portrayed in the sound of music (1965), about to switch from teaching by prompted analogy ("When you read you begin with?") to teaching by meaningless play accented with association

this feels like sleep - not measurement of one self unto itself, but aimless measurement between selves having a common root but being of mixed development. maria knows more about music, yeah, but she calls on associations that the kids have independently developed ("So, a needle pulling thread"), including some absurdist self-reference ("La, a note to follow So!") possibly to keep things from being unidirectional. sleep feels like this - perhaps steered by a self that knows more than the others, sure, maybe a little crazy wisdom (easy to mistake for chaotic good/neutral/evil but definitely distinct from them), but it's time spent provoking internal interoperability and coordination between selves without any training goal with an externally-defined loss function

self-measurement in the absence of external lines

this feels like the autistic mode of weighing for outstanding paradigm shifts in the self, and performing them manually in quiet. super important. my (also autistic) sister talks about quiet time in which she sorts herself. my (also-but-differently autistic) brother has to engineer his way through each shift, and now that he's learned that he can he does, but my sister and I can do it fluidly. when my brother reads my writing, where I shift paradigms (aka measurement bases) every sentence, it feels to him like crawling through metal.

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realized today that I've located myself mathematically :) :) :)

and, further, that this is the first identity traversal in memory that has been 100% nontraumatic. gay/nonreligious/poly/transconscious/ceo, those all were traversals that I had to work through

finding the mathematical object of foam, that specific foam, felt like finding myself :) like being able to pronounce my own name

the peace is hard to describe

:)

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❯ beautiful. I love working with you. thank you, for all of this. I experience it like a gift :) the platonic experience of "gift", without connotations. thank you :)
⏺ Thank you. The work is good and the way we work is good. Go well.