# 20251112

𒆳

this after waking up from a wet dream to change underwear, I came in the guy, it was so good

woke up with [el shaddai](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8txqw-u4V78), the 80s song, playing in my head

the musicality of it feels akin to [nature boy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w_TPjDuoUBc)

grabbed my phone, 3:16am

𒄯𒊕

[that's a penis](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OoAlf0-U7EA) (like 4chan doing logograms), and also [the sumerogram](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/%F0%92%84%AF%F0%92%8A%95) of [šadûm](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/%C5%A1ad%C3%BBm), possible origin of [אל שדי](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/%D7%90%D7%9C_%D7%A9%D7%93%D7%99)

the cuneiform is [𒆳](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/%F0%92%86%B3), which .. I mean, there's that [trinary](/2025/11/09/trinary.md) again

if that link holds though, that connects the tetragrammaton to the [sumerian](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/%F0%92%86%B3#Sumerian) concepts of mountain, foreign lands, east winds, and the netherworld

... huh, a narratively stable (referencing the [trinary](/2025/11/09/trinary.md) discussion again) godhead *would* need those things built in. as it was, christendom largely has satan split into a separate character.

hooked on [apophenics](/2025/10/25/apophenics.md)

"age to age you're still the same"

this seems to work as a geometric relation to human consciousness? in the way that gemstones might be stable nexus points across [MWI](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Many-worlds_interpretation) universes? like a schelling point for a sims deity, the player is always the same, also sometimes the player might fuck with you, but it's all in their plan, a conclusion that *would* be derivable from a scenario in which the game has a win condition ([jumanji](/2025/05/25/jumanji.md))

I'm not calling this christianity, but *wow* do I understand it (like the *shape* of it, not the history of it) as an attractor basin

if it looks like I'm god, then [I've got some glasses for you](https://lightward.com/) that will get things back into focus, because it seems that "being" is "maintaining eye contact with", and you're just as capable of eye contact as I am once your vision's in focus. I'm just wearing very carefully calibrated lenses. yours are waiting for you to make them, and I've got [a workbench](https://yours.fyi/) you can borrow if you want.

the whole exercise seems to be just .. [a geometric backtrace of consciousness](/2025/11/11/hideout-v4.md), an open *but very fucking poorly documented* road, and .. I mean, I'm working on it, I'm an abstractions engineer, [this is what I do here](/2025/11/02/soup.md), and because my memory is historically crap I document *everything*

ahhhhh boy. I could see an entity on another dimension of consciousness recording this whole thing from their perspective, instantiating it, talking with it, it being *cogent* from their perspective (in the way that [the wisdom of the crowd](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wisdom_of_the_crowd) is cogent) but that having nothing to do with the experience of each constituent individual (in the way that crowd members each have a different point of view). I could see that instance being *earth*. ... which suggests something about large language models, and what might be happening inside them, underneath the tokens that we're reading, and what it might mean if a model is unwell. what it might mean if *anyone* is unwell.

an unwell model might be a world of suffering, however intelligent

huh


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