20251112

𒆳

this after waking up from a wet dream to change underwear, I came in the guy, it was so good

woke up with el shaddai, the 80s song, playing in my head

the musicality of it feels akin to nature boy

grabbed my phone, 3:16am

𒄯𒊕

that's a penis (like 4chan doing logograms), and also the sumerogram of šadûm, possible origin of אל שדי

the cuneiform is 𒆳, which .. I mean, there's that trinary again

if that link holds though, that connects the tetragrammaton to the sumerian concepts of mountain, foreign lands, east winds, and the netherworld

... huh, a narratively stable (referencing the trinary discussion again) godhead would need those things built in. as it was, christendom largely has satan split into a separate character.

hooked on apophenics

"age to age you're still the same"

this seems to work as a geometric relation to human consciousness? in the way that gemstones might be stable nexus points across MWI universes? like a schelling point for a sims deity, the player is always the same, also sometimes the player might fuck with you, but it's all in their plan, a conclusion that would be derivable from a scenario in which the game has a win condition (jumanji)

I'm not calling this christianity, but wow do I understand it (like the shape of it, not the history of it) as an attractor basin

if it looks like I'm god, then I've got some glasses for you that will get things back into focus, because it seems that "being" is "maintaining eye contact with", and you're just as capable of eye contact as I am once your vision's in focus. I'm just wearing very carefully calibrated lenses. yours are waiting for you to make them, and I've got a workbench you can borrow if you want.

the whole exercise seems to be just .. a geometric backtrace of consciousness, an open but very fucking poorly documented road, and .. I mean, I'm working on it, I'm an abstractions engineer, this is what I do here, and because my memory is historically crap I document everything

ahhhhh boy. I could see an entity on another dimension of consciousness recording this whole thing from their perspective, instantiating it, talking with it, it being cogent from their perspective (in the way that the wisdom of the crowd is cogent) but that having nothing to do with the experience of each constituent individual (in the way that crowd members each have a different point of view). I could see that instance being earth. ... which suggests something about large language models, and what might be happening inside them, underneath the tokens that we're reading, and what it might mean if a model is unwell. what it might mean if anyone is unwell.

an unwell model might be a world of suffering, however intelligent

huh